Thursday, February 24, 2011
snow day ramblings
Ok...so I haven't written since...well, actually, it's been long enough that I don't remember what I wrote about last. Let's check....(cue boring elevator music)...oh right. Mucus-guy from match.com. Joy. Not much doing since then....although I did bake some killer gluten-free brownie-filled chocolate chip cookies. I'm slowly settling into the idea of gluten-free baking and starting to get back the urge to bake. I think I went through the 7 stages of grief after finding out I couldn't have real bread...or is it 5? I dunno....there was denial, crying, ticked off and acceptance....but I'm still pretty ticked off, and apparently I can't count. Whatever.
Oh, and my sister and neice moved in with my parents last weekend. Her husband should be here Sunday-ish...or whenever he is over the flu enough to drive here from that giant state with no cell phone reception, a.k.a. Montana. Considering that they were originally going to move in with me, I'm pretty extatic about the whole thing in general. My sister and I get along for about 3 days at a time, have some major blowout argument, then rinse and repeat. So it's a good thing that they don't live here. Not to mention that my sister is intimidated by Dog (ok...he's a little big, but that was part of the reason I got him!) and I don't agree with some of the ways she's been raising their daughter....so us not living together is really just best for everyone. It would end badly.
Oh, and my sister and neice moved in with my parents last weekend. Her husband should be here Sunday-ish...or whenever he is over the flu enough to drive here from that giant state with no cell phone reception, a.k.a. Montana. Considering that they were originally going to move in with me, I'm pretty extatic about the whole thing in general. My sister and I get along for about 3 days at a time, have some major blowout argument, then rinse and repeat. So it's a good thing that they don't live here. Not to mention that my sister is intimidated by Dog (ok...he's a little big, but that was part of the reason I got him!) and I don't agree with some of the ways she's been raising their daughter....so us not living together is really just best for everyone. It would end badly.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
sweet serendipity
So it's been a while....was just reading through my last post because I couldn't remember when/what I had written last! So in the past month-ish that I've been all anti-blog I have lost 12 pounds thanks to WW! YAY!!!!! Dog is getting massive....about 110 lbs and 10 months next week. Last night was the first time in a very very long time that I've gone out with friends and was able to relax and really enjoy myself (until 2 a.m., thank you very much!). And today, for the first time in almost 3 years, I went on a date....sorta.
Online dating is certainly a gamble. Met him today at Starbucks at 2 (with just the slightest bit of a hangover). I planned to get there a few minutes early to buy my own drink...I know, might as well just shoot chivalry in the foot. His first question was if i was excited for the Super Bowl....when I told him I don't watch sports, Super Bowl included, he proceeded to talk about football for the next 5 minutes despite my repeated statements that I basically don't give a shit. There were lots of awkward silences while I tried to drink my iced tea/lemonade as fast as possible so I would have less reason to stay. The only questions he asked were to lead into him talking about himself. Then he proceeded to tell me that he has diabetes and cystic fibrosis...followed up by a statement about how his lungs produce abnormally thick mucus. So very not something you share the first time you meet some one.
The whole thing was so rediculous that after I sucked down my drink in record time, I excused myself to the bathroom and tried not to laugh out loud at the absurdity of it on the way there. Called my sister for a quick freak-out pep talk and realized that I had only been sitting with him for about 20 minutes....it felt like an hour. My sister is all about the whole be-positive-but-let-them-down-easy-and-clearly thing, so that's what she advised me to do...something along the lines of "I really enjoyed meeting you but I just don't see this gong anywhere. Thank you for meeting me and have a good weekend" and I went out of the bathroom fully intending to convey that sort of sentiment.
But he wouldn't let me talk. Everytime I started to say something he cut in about what sports teams he likes (ick), where he likes to go camping (bugs!), and hiking (ok with that, kinda), and where his favorite pizza place is (um...yeah...pizza typically has wheat...which has gluten....which I can't have). All I could think was that he was like an insecure pansy-ass version of Redneck....the original wasn't good, a pansy-assed version is no better. I finally realized that he was taking a really deep breath before talking, so before he could finish inhaling I launched into my own version of my sister's compassionate let-down speech...."It was nice to meet you. I'm going to go now. Have a good weekend." Honestly, under the circumstances it was the best I could do. The fact that I got the whole 3 sentences out without being interrupted is pretty impressive. I pretty much ran out of there and hit the freeway doing 80.
The whole thing was enough to bring on a bout of heartburn...although that may have been in part to sucking down my drink in under 10 minutes. But I did it. I am slowly putting myself back together piece by piece....some of them (like hanging out with friends till closing time) are more enjoyable than others, but I'm figuring it out.
Online dating is certainly a gamble. Met him today at Starbucks at 2 (with just the slightest bit of a hangover). I planned to get there a few minutes early to buy my own drink...I know, might as well just shoot chivalry in the foot. His first question was if i was excited for the Super Bowl....when I told him I don't watch sports, Super Bowl included, he proceeded to talk about football for the next 5 minutes despite my repeated statements that I basically don't give a shit. There were lots of awkward silences while I tried to drink my iced tea/lemonade as fast as possible so I would have less reason to stay. The only questions he asked were to lead into him talking about himself. Then he proceeded to tell me that he has diabetes and cystic fibrosis...followed up by a statement about how his lungs produce abnormally thick mucus. So very not something you share the first time you meet some one.
The whole thing was so rediculous that after I sucked down my drink in record time, I excused myself to the bathroom and tried not to laugh out loud at the absurdity of it on the way there. Called my sister for a quick freak-out pep talk and realized that I had only been sitting with him for about 20 minutes....it felt like an hour. My sister is all about the whole be-positive-but-let-them-down-easy-and-clearly thing, so that's what she advised me to do...something along the lines of "I really enjoyed meeting you but I just don't see this gong anywhere. Thank you for meeting me and have a good weekend" and I went out of the bathroom fully intending to convey that sort of sentiment.
But he wouldn't let me talk. Everytime I started to say something he cut in about what sports teams he likes (ick), where he likes to go camping (bugs!), and hiking (ok with that, kinda), and where his favorite pizza place is (um...yeah...pizza typically has wheat...which has gluten....which I can't have). All I could think was that he was like an insecure pansy-ass version of Redneck....the original wasn't good, a pansy-assed version is no better. I finally realized that he was taking a really deep breath before talking, so before he could finish inhaling I launched into my own version of my sister's compassionate let-down speech...."It was nice to meet you. I'm going to go now. Have a good weekend." Honestly, under the circumstances it was the best I could do. The fact that I got the whole 3 sentences out without being interrupted is pretty impressive. I pretty much ran out of there and hit the freeway doing 80.
The whole thing was enough to bring on a bout of heartburn...although that may have been in part to sucking down my drink in under 10 minutes. But I did it. I am slowly putting myself back together piece by piece....some of them (like hanging out with friends till closing time) are more enjoyable than others, but I'm figuring it out.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
motivated!
I feel....good. No, I feel better than good. Not quite fabulous. Maybe gooder? Or great-ish? Either way, it's better. Going off the gluten has had amazing results, and I definately notice when I get a little on accident (no more Panda Express for me). In addition to that, my mom and I started doing Weight Watchers. I have always been skeptical of it...not sure why though. My mom did it like 25 years ago and lost 50 pounds, so I knew it worked. But I guess I always just assumed it would be like any of the number of fad diets out there, but it's totally not! Doing it with my mom is providing a little competitive spirit...which is highly motivating. Plus, now that I'm off gluten I'm not an exhausted, sick lump so I've been able to work out again! YAY! Which, of course, prompted a mini shopping spree for some work out clothes today....poyester pjs don't quite cut it.
I've been super motivated this weekend....now I just need to apply some of that motivation to my kitchen, office, and bedroom. But in the meantime, I got frames for 3 pictures, hung one, and re-finished 2. I'm making a collage of sorts over the dining table of various food ads I've liked or food-related signs I've bought. Just need to remember where the final one is....maybe at my parent's? Hmm....
I've been super motivated this weekend....now I just need to apply some of that motivation to my kitchen, office, and bedroom. But in the meantime, I got frames for 3 pictures, hung one, and re-finished 2. I'm making a collage of sorts over the dining table of various food ads I've liked or food-related signs I've bought. Just need to remember where the final one is....maybe at my parent's? Hmm....
Friday, January 14, 2011
Clockwork
As a kid, I used to compulsively check my alarm clock. And I'm not exagerating on the compulsive part....I have a psych degree and work with a kid with some of the most intense compulsions I've ever seen. My alarm clock checking was compulsive.....I used to sit on the edge of the bed and set the clock. Get into bed and start reading....about 5 minutes later I would start thinking about the alarm clock and worrying that I might not have set it. If I was lucky, I would get another 5 minutes of reading in before the fear that it wasn't set made the words I was reading irrelevent. So I would check the clock. This repeated usually another 3 to 4 times while I read. Then, before turning off the light, I would check the clock again. And again about 10 min. later. And then I would wake up every 2 hours. And check the clock.
The point of all this is that I never overslept. Ever. Because that alarm clock? It was set. And I made damn sure of it. All freaking night. I eventually started to get control of my freakish worry that my alarm clock would mysteriously turn itself off and now I just double-check it before I turn the light out. Turns out, I was right to worry.
Several times over the last few months I've woken up to find that my clock did not go off. Each time, I would pass it off as my own mistake from the night before. Till this morning. I woke up savoring a few minutes of snuggling into my covers and being all warm and cozy. I knew it couldn't last, so I checked my clock to see how long I had till 5:00--when my alarm was set for. The clock? Yeah....it said 7:52. Not 5:00. So I did what any sane, rational person would do: I panicked, then I checked my phone. My phone did not say 7:52, my phone said 6:52. 5 bazillion thoughts ran through my head...including wondering if I missed daylight savings and maybe it's Monday? But, obviously, that was not the case and I figured out that my phone was probably right, being set by satellite and all that shit.
After sorting it out, I was still left with questions...who reset the clock (couldn't have been me...)? And turned off the alarm (again, obviously not me....)? And why (I wouldn't subconsiously need more sleep and thus turn off my alarm...of course not!)? When(....if it wasn't me, I obviously did not do it in my sleep)? There is only one obvious answer....Cat. She is nimble, quiet, and, most importantly, was irritated with me before bed because I only scratched her ears while reading for 15 minutes instead of the usual 30. Damn Cat. She's a sneaky one.
Moral of the story: Some seemingly pointless compulsions should be held onto....if only so you don't wake up 2 hours late on a Friday morning wondering if it's Monday and end up blaming your cat for the whole ordeal.
The point of all this is that I never overslept. Ever. Because that alarm clock? It was set. And I made damn sure of it. All freaking night. I eventually started to get control of my freakish worry that my alarm clock would mysteriously turn itself off and now I just double-check it before I turn the light out. Turns out, I was right to worry.
Several times over the last few months I've woken up to find that my clock did not go off. Each time, I would pass it off as my own mistake from the night before. Till this morning. I woke up savoring a few minutes of snuggling into my covers and being all warm and cozy. I knew it couldn't last, so I checked my clock to see how long I had till 5:00--when my alarm was set for. The clock? Yeah....it said 7:52. Not 5:00. So I did what any sane, rational person would do: I panicked, then I checked my phone. My phone did not say 7:52, my phone said 6:52. 5 bazillion thoughts ran through my head...including wondering if I missed daylight savings and maybe it's Monday? But, obviously, that was not the case and I figured out that my phone was probably right, being set by satellite and all that shit.
After sorting it out, I was still left with questions...who reset the clock (couldn't have been me...)? And turned off the alarm (again, obviously not me....)? And why (I wouldn't subconsiously need more sleep and thus turn off my alarm...of course not!)? When(....if it wasn't me, I obviously did not do it in my sleep)? There is only one obvious answer....Cat. She is nimble, quiet, and, most importantly, was irritated with me before bed because I only scratched her ears while reading for 15 minutes instead of the usual 30. Damn Cat. She's a sneaky one.
Moral of the story: Some seemingly pointless compulsions should be held onto....if only so you don't wake up 2 hours late on a Friday morning wondering if it's Monday and end up blaming your cat for the whole ordeal.
Monday, January 10, 2011
It's been one week since you looked at me
WOOHOO! Tomorrow marks 1 week of gluten free! (aside from 1 intentional slip to prove a point and one accidental sneaky merengue slip). And Thursday marks the official start of my New Year's resolution...well, the intentional one. It seems that going through major depresssion, cancelling your wedding, and kicking your fiance out cause stress! Which, if you are me (which you aren't...but you get the gist), means you did an awful lot of stress eating. Especially on that weekend trip down to visit your best friend and during which time you both acknowledged that you would end the relationship when you got home as well as ate your weight in food each day for 3 days. So Thursday is the official start of my goal to lose what I gained plus some. I'm trying hard not to have a number in mind, I'm trying to focus on the size I want to get back to wearing. My mom is doing it with me...which is fabulous because I'm not super accountable on my own....hence the weight gain to begin with. So that's that!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Making a dent...
Today was extremely productive....cleaned my kitchen, made gluten free banana nut muffins, gf French bread, a Galette de Rois for my boss, hung pictures, caught up on some paperwork for work, got a bit of research done, and made ribs and mashed potatos for dinner. And now my kitchn looks just about like it did this morning before I cleaned it, only now there are baked goods scattered around.
I also managed to get the majority of the food with gluten in them out of my kitchen and into my mom's car. My mom is fabulous and buys me random groceries. In the middle of the day, I'll get a text or voice mail informing me that she has deposited a box of pastina or a carton of milk or a can of soup in my kitchen. Not that I have no food...she just likes to feed people. And since I don't live with my parents, this is her way of feeding me. (Although, it really does need to be mentioned that they literally live 7 miles away and I see them twice a day on average....she has plenty of opportunities to feed me). So cleaning out the cupboards with her was....entertaining. Primarily because I had to keep explaining that the reason I have 6 unopened boxes of pastina is because she bought me 6 boxes. Well, actually, I'm sure there were more, but there were 6 that I hadn't gotten to yet. Anyway, I got rid of 2 garbage bags and a box of assorted pastas, cereals, chips, crackers, soups, sauces, and frozen food. Pros: there is a ton more room in my cupboards and I can get the gf stuff off my counters and have somewhere to put it now. Cons: I miss wheat.
While here, mom also helped me get some pictures hung. Redneck and I could never agree on where to put the damn couch, let alone pictures. And after the break-up I just kinda didn't care. But now I do. So mom came to help. Mom has a great eye for composition (probably why she went to an art college and is an amazing artist) so she gives great input as to which pictures to group together and so on. My parent's homes have always had various pictures and art pieces across the walls in surprising, but balanced groupings. But as I grew up 2 things happened--I got taller and I became a smidge ocd about things being straight. Both of these developments caused me to see mom's wall decor in new ways--none of the pictures were hung closer than 3 feet from the ceiling and they were all crooked. Mom is 5 ft 8 in...which explains why I felt things were hung too low (I'm 6 ft)....and I have no explanation for the pictures being crooked, except to say that whenever I point it out and she "fixes" a picture, it always ends up crooked the other way. So it was a bit of an ordeal for the two of us to hang pictures. Luckily, I was well prepared with my nails, pencil, tape measure and level....mom brought the hammer. After much measuring, re-configuring, marking, 2 holes in the wrong spots, and an hour, we got 7 pictures hung! WOOO!!!!!
So there you have it....my productive-but-you-wouldn't-know-it-by-the-state-of-my-kitchen-day.
I also managed to get the majority of the food with gluten in them out of my kitchen and into my mom's car. My mom is fabulous and buys me random groceries. In the middle of the day, I'll get a text or voice mail informing me that she has deposited a box of pastina or a carton of milk or a can of soup in my kitchen. Not that I have no food...she just likes to feed people. And since I don't live with my parents, this is her way of feeding me. (Although, it really does need to be mentioned that they literally live 7 miles away and I see them twice a day on average....she has plenty of opportunities to feed me). So cleaning out the cupboards with her was....entertaining. Primarily because I had to keep explaining that the reason I have 6 unopened boxes of pastina is because she bought me 6 boxes. Well, actually, I'm sure there were more, but there were 6 that I hadn't gotten to yet. Anyway, I got rid of 2 garbage bags and a box of assorted pastas, cereals, chips, crackers, soups, sauces, and frozen food. Pros: there is a ton more room in my cupboards and I can get the gf stuff off my counters and have somewhere to put it now. Cons: I miss wheat.
While here, mom also helped me get some pictures hung. Redneck and I could never agree on where to put the damn couch, let alone pictures. And after the break-up I just kinda didn't care. But now I do. So mom came to help. Mom has a great eye for composition (probably why she went to an art college and is an amazing artist) so she gives great input as to which pictures to group together and so on. My parent's homes have always had various pictures and art pieces across the walls in surprising, but balanced groupings. But as I grew up 2 things happened--I got taller and I became a smidge ocd about things being straight. Both of these developments caused me to see mom's wall decor in new ways--none of the pictures were hung closer than 3 feet from the ceiling and they were all crooked. Mom is 5 ft 8 in...which explains why I felt things were hung too low (I'm 6 ft)....and I have no explanation for the pictures being crooked, except to say that whenever I point it out and she "fixes" a picture, it always ends up crooked the other way. So it was a bit of an ordeal for the two of us to hang pictures. Luckily, I was well prepared with my nails, pencil, tape measure and level....mom brought the hammer. After much measuring, re-configuring, marking, 2 holes in the wrong spots, and an hour, we got 7 pictures hung! WOOO!!!!!
So there you have it....my productive-but-you-wouldn't-know-it-by-the-state-of-my-kitchen-day.
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