Maybe we weren't meant for this love

This has been a rough week. I was sick Sunday and Monday, got a phone call Tuesday morning from my mom saying that my dad was in the hospital, cancelled work for Wednesday, stayed at the hospital with my mom, sister, and niece till 1 in the morning, found out a close family friend will likely be losing his fight with cancer much sooner than expected, had to pull Dog out of day care because he was getting hurt by another dog, and got chewed out via email by an aunt I barely know. With all that's been going on, the highlight of the week so far has actually been something I've been dreading for 2 months....returning Redneck's odds and ends to his mom's house.

Since I broke up with him I've been finding little things here and there of his, some of them important to him (his dog tags, his grandfather's knife) and some that he would probably never notice were gone (a t-shirt, corn cob holders). I have been putting off bringing the things to his mom till I found the (hideous) cake plate that had been her mother's, because, really, who wants to do something like that twice? I finally found the cake plate and had planned on bringing everything over on Monday, when the week just started going downhill rather quickly. Throughout everything though, going over to her house stuck in the back of my mind, taunting me. Should I call first? What if Redneck was there? What if his daughter was there? What if no one was there....could I just leave the stuff on the front porch so I wouldn't have to come back?....I was a smidge terrified/preoccupied with it.

So this morning I got up, put on a dress, sexy sandals, and did my hair (sorta...). I visited dad in the hospital and told him I was going over there later so I couldn't back out. I made it through my work day, and thought I might just get physically ill on the way over to her house. But you know what? It wasn't bad. She gave me a hug, thanked me profusely for bringing her mom's cake platter (she had forgotten that she gave it to me) and asked how my family/job/etc. was. I glossed over things (family's great, job's great, etc. is great) and we made small talk, both avoiding bringing up Redneck. She wished me well and we said good bye. It was the most calm and exhausted I have felt all week. And I know it's been 2 months, but I finally feel like I'm finding a bit of closure. A little ironic that it happened this week...Redneck and I were supposed to be getting married on Saturday. Two great friends agreed to join me that night for a "no one is getting married" celebration, but I've still been feeling apprehensive about it. Today helped to settle that feeling a bit. So I'll keep going. I will help mom bring our family friend to the hospital tomorrow to visit dad, I will go to work, find a new daycare for Dog, snuggle with Cat, help Portland move in with me, go out Saturday night, and celebrate.